This line stands out to me: "I see that the absence of reciprocity is a call for the presence of stronger boundaries." And "Let's gate check our fantasy projections and take note of those moments when we are unreasonably expecting perfection."
These speak to my marriage relationship, where I've done such a dance for a long time of begging for reciprocity. Your lines encapsulate how I've been moving into better boundaries for the last year or so, and that's expediting everything. So good to grow from victim and begging for attention to finding new agency and ability and really that shapes everything!
I wonder too about how much I'm open to receiving and how that fits this picture as well.
Thank you for reading and reflecting! It is such a fine line sometimes trying to balance between boundaries and compassion. And without making anyone wrong, when we see that reciprocity is missing, we can simply step back to reclaim our energy because we see “it’s not a match”.
It doesn’t have to mean we want too much or the other person should do more. It just means that we are not in balance, and both need to learn something to have more ease and fulfillment in relating.
This neutrality - not making meaning or judgment out of it, just noticing and naming needs, has been so freeing for me recently. Not getting tangled up in pressuring someone else to meet my needs. What a relief!
So amazing! And it’s important to remember that just because one particular person can’t or won’t meet our needs, it doesn’t mean that our needs aren’t valid. Usually we’re just looking to the wrong person to fulfill those needs, when we can perhaps do better asking someone else.
This line stands out to me: "I see that the absence of reciprocity is a call for the presence of stronger boundaries." And "Let's gate check our fantasy projections and take note of those moments when we are unreasonably expecting perfection."
These speak to my marriage relationship, where I've done such a dance for a long time of begging for reciprocity. Your lines encapsulate how I've been moving into better boundaries for the last year or so, and that's expediting everything. So good to grow from victim and begging for attention to finding new agency and ability and really that shapes everything!
I wonder too about how much I'm open to receiving and how that fits this picture as well.
Thanks for your wise words, Wendy!
Thank you for reading and reflecting! It is such a fine line sometimes trying to balance between boundaries and compassion. And without making anyone wrong, when we see that reciprocity is missing, we can simply step back to reclaim our energy because we see “it’s not a match”.
It doesn’t have to mean we want too much or the other person should do more. It just means that we are not in balance, and both need to learn something to have more ease and fulfillment in relating.
This neutrality - not making meaning or judgment out of it, just noticing and naming needs, has been so freeing for me recently. Not getting tangled up in pressuring someone else to meet my needs. What a relief!
So amazing! And it’s important to remember that just because one particular person can’t or won’t meet our needs, it doesn’t mean that our needs aren’t valid. Usually we’re just looking to the wrong person to fulfill those needs, when we can perhaps do better asking someone else.