Why cord-cutting doesn't work

What to do instead to resolve relating pain

Cord-cutting. The core teaching hidden within this work carries deep wisdom and potent magic. When it is applied consciously and correctly, it can be a very effective practice in supporting us to have the life we want — one that is founded in true creator consciousness. Unfortunately, cord-cutting is also one of those techniques that has been reduced, reused, recycled, and reimagined by new age spirituality so much that its effectiveness has become seriously diluted.

From what I’ve seen, it often doesn’t work because many users of this tool have lost the plot. We have forgotten a critical element of doing this work. We may be going through all the right motions as we are doing cord-cutting, but many rituals are missing the main ingredient that gives power to the process.

We commonly refer to cord-cutting practices in the context of ending so-called toxic relationships, clearing negative energies, or completing karmic soul contracts. In other words, it is generally applied to things that we want to get rid of. For example, I recognize that there’s a person, situation, or story in my life that’s causing me ongoing suffering. And I want that thing to go away.

A typical approach to cord-cutting is: (1) invite your spirit guides or archangels; (2) ask them to remove whatever the problematic thing is; (3) visualize them slashing the cord; and (4) call it a day.

But that’s not enough to get the job done in my experience. With this approach, you’re likely to find yourself doing the same ritual over and over, without any lasting impact on your state of mind or way of being.

I know this well, because I’ve been in this never-ending loop with many sticky things in my life — with some of them dragging on for years.

We typically think of cords as being unwanted connections between two people. It could be parent-child, partners, friends, colleagues, siblings… really any pair engaged in relating.

We might visualize a cord as something binding two people together. But this is only a representation of something we can’t actually see.

If we look deeper, a cord is essentially a dynamic pattern between two energies. It doesn’t work the same way that we’d expect an actual physical cord to work in 3D reality.

Here’s another mental picture we can use to refine our understanding…

Did you ever play skipping rope or jump rope as a child? For me this was a familiar playground scene during elementary school recess time.

Imagine two people holding the opposite ends of a long rope, as they turn the handles of the rope in the same direction. A third person in the middle is jumping as the rope passes over their head and under their feet. So, the two end-holders collaborate to create the conditions that make it possible for the jumper to be jumping.

Each opposite end of this skipping rope acts like a magnet; and these magnets have unique codes that attract a specific type of personality. And what about the (often invisible) third person in the middle? The rope jumper represents the dynamic pattern that naturally emerges between the two opposite end-holding energies. It’s nothing personal. It just jumps whenever these two energies are present in close proximity.

So what happens when we focus on cutting the cord, or removing the person at the other end of the cord, because we think the connection or the person is the root cause of our suffering? You can probably see where I am going with this…

We might find a bit of temporary relief from using this method of cord-cutting. But as long as we’re still holding on to our end of the cord, we won’t see the kind of deep and permanent change that we ultimately want. The relationship might end, but we’re not done. Eventually, the frayed rope will regenerate, a new person with a similar energy will pick up the other end, and the jumper in the middle will keep jumping. As long as we hold our end, we will experience the pattern repeating.

Jumpers jump, and patterns repeat. This is why a lot of sincere attempts at cord-cutting don’t work. The same thing keeps happening until we look into what’s going on at our end of the cord — the reasons why we’re holding on to it, as well as what we’re doing on a regular basis to feed it and keep it alive.

The self-inquiry required to discover the reasons for holding our end of the cord is not pleasant or fun to do. It’s usually much easier to investigate the other person’s end of things than to look at our own.

Maybe on our end, we want to reinforce long-held feelings of unworthiness that have become part of us. Maybe on our end, we seek activation for a familiar guilt trigger that we experience as satisfying. Maybe on our end, we subscribe to a drug-feed for our frustration addiction because it makes us feel strangely energized. Maybe on our end, we invite repeated rejection because that activity is life-affirming to our childhood best friend of shame.

Whatever the reason is for us holding our end of the cord, the key to reclaiming the potency of cord-cutting is seeing that the problem is rooted within, and from there, taking self-responsibility.

It’s misguided to think that we can destroy the cord itself, as if the cord were a solid entity. This becomes clear if we understand the cord to be a dynamic pattern that arises between two energies. It’s like thinking we can overcome the laws of physics to disrupt the magnetic field between two planetary bodies.

The person that’s holding on to the other end of the cord is also not the problem. Labeling them (or the relationship) as “toxic” is just another way of avoiding personal responsibility for what we are involved in recreating. Note: I’m not talking about emotional abuse or domestic violence here; that’s a totally different topic.

There’s nothing we can do to change another person’s perspective or behavior. And our suffering is not their fault. There’s no one out there to blame. Trying to control what’s happening at the other end of the cord is not the power move here.

Rather than thinking about cutting cords, I find it more useful to think about dropping cords instead. This is more effective and much more empowering.

All it takes is for one person to drop their end of the cord, and the jumper stops jumping immediately. The power move here is dropping, not cutting.

We always have the possibility to resolve relating pains, all by ourselves. We can do it without anyone else’s permission or cooperation. We have the power to change our reality simply by choosing not to play the same game.