Capacity, containment and a whole new frequency in relating
Behind the scenes of my year-end life review
This week I posted on Instagram: a summary of my life-to-date, distilled into a dozen slides. I started out on a mission to do some digital decluttering. But I got lost in memory while digging through my virtual desk drawers. My year-end-review process spiraled into a life-in-review project.
It is humbling to see my 47 years of existence, so condensed and packaged. All the achievements I have collected. All the adventures I have stories about. It boils down to such a small blip in the Universe. You can swipe through it in 30 seconds. A minute later, it’s like it never happened.
The past seems almost as fantastical as the future to me now. Who was this girl? What was she so anxious about? Why was she so stressed at that job? Why was she so heartbroken over that guy?
It is lovely to have a “greatest hits” album of my life. But what interests me most is the part that’s unseen. The untold challenges and unspoken pain that live behind these carefully curated images. The struggles that occupy the interstitial spaces, in between poses struck and postcards from travels.
I see the achievements and accolades. I see the brave adventurer. I see the badass creatrix. I see the devoted seeker. And I also see what it cost her to weave a story like this. Behind the bright smiles and in between the awards ceremonies, there was quite a bit of suffering.
Trying so hard to be good. Self-erasure and holding back, from caring too much what people thought of me. Tending to others’ needs while putting myself last. Going it alone, because that was easier than asking for help. A chronic reflex of, “Oh, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”
What’s coming next is a totally different frequency. It is asking and receiving, in wholeness and integrity. It is giving generously, without crossing my own boundaries. No stickiness. No power games. No shadow beliefs in superiority, mine or theirs. No more one-up and one-down dynamics. Rather, we are equal, imperfect, fallible humans meeting each other in full transparency, and relating honestly. Approaching each other with curiosity around an emergent reality, instead of assuming pre-fabricated roles.
In my next chapter, I am focused on strengthening foundations and calling in greater support in all forms. Healthy body. Mental clarity. Good energy. Legal and financial security. Balanced, nourishing relationships.
I am no longer leaking energy to people and projects that don’t feed me. I am no longer pouring out my life force to soothe others before tending to myself and my own foundations. In fact, I no longer want to try to do anything. I let go of many whimsical sparks of inspiration that move through me, which are not mine to manage, not mine to manifest.
If I am going to make a move, it has to be easy. It has to be supported by everyone and everything around me. Because that is how alignment reveals itself to me. And if the support isn’t there, I will do nothing until it finds me, while focusing my attention where energy flows naturally.
This year has been about stretching my limits. I have been busy building my capacity. But growing capacity without strengthening containment is a recipe for trouble. It makes you a magnet to those who are likely to feed from your energy unconsciously. They don’t even know they’re doing it; it happens automatically when they come into your field, just because they have a weaker channel in their own direct access to Source energy.
This is the natural pulse of human evolution: Increasing energy capacity. Increasing energy containment. They go together like inhale and exhale. Growing in one aspect without cultivating the other leads to unhealthy imbalance. More containment without matching capacity leads to stagnation. More capacity without matching containment leads to depletion.
Personally, I grew a lot of capacity in 2025. And my top priority going into 2026 is catching up on containment, to rebalance my situation.
The more light we can embody, the more darkness we can meet without flinching. And the greater capacity we build, the less we are identified with or captured by any of it. We contain both creation and destruction in equal reverence, as evidence that Life is here, in movement.
It’s not about right or wrong. We are no better or worse. Everyone lives in their own hallucination. No need to correct anyone else’s impressions or take responsibility for their experiences. We are becoming sovereign, while surrendering to a higher plan. We are feeling the joy of aliveness as we align with the divine current that moves through and within.
Which way do we look and where do we focus our attention? What emergent waves do we participate in? What existing trajectory do we step out of? How do we steward the resources that we find in our hands?
Which version of reality do we buy into? Which one do we withdraw from? What narratives do we feed? What story do we author? Who do we love? Who do we trust? Who do we share our precious time on Earth with?
These are the questions I hold in the liminal space of this Twixmas Week.
(PS: Here is the Instagram post referenced.)
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