Writing is a soul assignment and labor of love for me. I invest lots of energy here. I would love to be nourished financially and receive fuel to keep going. I dream and weave a new paradigm reality — one where all are abundantly supported in offering our highest gifts to humanity, without selling out to mass extraction. If you appreciate what you read, please recommend my writing channel (words.heywendymay.com) to friends and become a paid subscriber today.
Last week I was in Singapore, teaching a one-day workshop on money and purpose, which I called True Abundance Activation. It ended up being eleven of us. It was an intimate gathering held in a beautiful private space. This was only the second time that I have offered something live, in person since the pandemic. And it was truly an activation — especially for me.
A few reflections I have had since returning: (1) Receiving more expands me to give more; (2) Timing is part of our nature, not our doing; (3) Consciously choosing what to do with my energy is a daily practice of devotion.
Receiving more expands me to give more
In Regenerative Purpose, I wrote about four core purpose qualities that enhance our experience of purpose, as well as the social and cultural conditioning that can block purpose from flowing. I have done a lot of work on these qualities, but I have to admit that my weakness has always been the quality of receptivity. Maybe it’s my inborn character trait, or the way I was raised. Either way, I have a strong attraction to — and attachment to — the myth of independence, which hinders my ability to receive.
I feel a bit ashamed to admit this, but historically I’ve been quite reluctant to allow myself to be supported by others. From an early age, I never wanted to be a damsel in distress (and I judged those girls harshly as helpless and weak!) so I swung to the opposite extreme. I became the queen of doing everything by myself. Not humbling myself to ask for help. Taking on all the responsibility. Not trusting others to do things right. Relentlessly trying to control and strive for perfection. As you might imagine, this is an exhausting way to be.
This time around, I received the imprint of receiving aligned support: from my friend Julie, who organized the workshop; from the venue creator, who hosted us so graciously; and even from Julie’s husband who spontaneously took photos for me. It was as if the Universe assembled a flash mob team for the moment of the workshop, so it could all flow easily. I was able to let others take care of details and I generally let go of trying to manage everything. This space of relaxation allowed me to have way more capacity to hold the group.
The magic of receiving aligned support is incomparable to having paid help. I have managed people before, and back then, everyone was there for the salary (yes, including me). My work engaged me intellectually, but it was not heart-led, or soul-fed. When the work comes from a deep desire to serve, using our unique gifts, it’s a totally different thing. I am not managing anyone. No one is managing me. We all do what we want to do because we care about what we’re up to, for the sake of humanity. Everyone gives, and everyone receives. And at the end of the day, there is more of everything for everybody.
Timing is part of our nature, not our doing
Now that I am here, it would be easy to look back on the trajectory of my life until now and say, why didn’t I “get it” before? Why did it take me forty-plus years to arrive at this moment, finally understanding the power and beauty of receiving aligned support? Why did it take so long for me to embrace that, and in that act, feel part of something that is bigger than me?
There is no answer that can ever satisfy that part of me that insists on asking this question as she looks in the rearview mirror. It’s the part that is never good enough, clever enough, fast enough. For this bitchy, self-judging part of me, it doesn’t matter when I arrive, I am always late.
Looking back, I see how all the experiences I’ve had in the past: over-functioning, over-giving, pushing away help, or suffering alone silently — they were all necessary. Each experience was a stepping stone for me to arrive here. And each one helps me to fully appreciate being here, because getting here wasn’t easy. I had to undo a lot of conditioning. But even that is somewhat inaccurate, because it wasn’t my undoing, the same way that it wasn’t my doing. It was simply a natural process of shedding. It needed time to happen on its own accord. I can only marvel at the beauty of what I see unfurling now, and wonder what else it will bring.
The thing is, these experiences and imprints that our soul desires — that our soul designs —- can never be hurried. They don’t adhere to any plan or any timeline that we can grasp from the space of our ego personality. It is all blooming in its own time, according to nature.
Choosing my life is an act of devotion
Since coming home from Singapore, I have been overflowing with motivation and inspiration to write and create new things. As I feel myself lit up in this elevated energy, I realize I’m still shaking off a mild depression that was lingering after the global human hibernation years of 2020-2023. To feel myself not only well-supported, but also being well-received… Wow, this experience of teaching was like returning to life to me. It should be no surprise, right? The expansive energy available to us when we step into the purpose flow is something I have been writing about and talking about for years. And now I feel it enlivening me.
As much as there is a renewed gushing of life force that wants to flow through me, I also feel a sense of overwhelm. It’s not the kind of overwhelm that comes from taking in too much noise and static, which confuses the signal reaching our radio tower. The kind of overwhelm that I am referring to here comes from the limitation of being in a finite human body, and at the same time being connected to the ever-expanding field of possibilities that can and want to move through our human mind-body, to be realized in 3D reality.
There are only so many workshops I can teach. There are only so many books I can write. There are only so many people I can support in private sessions. There are only so many projects I can complete. There are only so many homes I can build. There are only so many people I can love, really really well. Even if I devoted the rest of my life to a single one of these activities, I could never come close to seeing the end of possibilities.
In remembrance of the limitation of being alive, the flip side of this is the preciousness of it all. It is a reminder about the importance of choosing. I have the privilege of a lot of choice, and with that privilege comes response-ability. To me, this is the crux of living a conscious life. It is about consciously directing our energy. Because we cannot do everything.
In receiving aligned support, I expand my capacity to give and invite new possibilities. So the practice of devotion in choosing what to do, in my time-limited human experience, becomes more and more important.