Navigating my love-hate of social media (Part 5)
Ego as the offering and sourcing safety within
Here I continue the self-examination of my relationship with social media. Today’s installment dives into point 4 below:
4. Visibility and vulnerability online means leaving ego on the altar and learning to source unshakeable safety from within
Warning: continuing to read this essay series might completely ruin your existing worldview on social media.
Visibility and vulnerability online means leaving ego on the altar and learning to source unshakeable safety from within
In the chaotic mirror world of the online abyss, it is far too easy to be absorbed by the borg if we lapse in boundary vigilance. It takes a deep well of inner resource to show up online these days, without losing yourself. It goes beyond skills, expertise, or knowing how to leverage new tools and technology. The digital universe now is truly an advanced training ground for the mastery of self.
During the “22 days of being human” challenge, I noticed how I reflexively I suppress my own voice. Even in spaces where I am not taking space away from anyone else. I was laughing with a friend about the ridiculous resistance to posting on my Instagram – my own corner of the Internet where space is effectively unlimited.
I shush myself in shame, worrying about what other people think of me. I second guess my thoughts, wondering whether others will agree. How do I look in this lighting? Am I repeating myself? Is this camera angle flattering? Does this make any sense? I know I am not the only one with these things, because for 22 days I watched my friends dodge assaults by the same inner critics committee.
Authenticity as an asset
The social media landscape is changing super quick. With the recent glut of AI-generated content, I think we are all getting weary of reposted memes and regurgitated wisdom. There is growing immunity to disembodied parroting of ideas, without any soul essence. As consciousness is rising, we are growing sensitive to the hollowness of a message when it’s not lived wisdom. The copy-paste gurus are losing momentum.
There is content fatigue. Social media is now drowning in a greige sea of GPT slam poet sameness. For those with a message to deliver, that means we have to show up even more vulnerably. Not hiding behind perfectly curated carousels and highly produced cinematic ads.
We are all tired of being hooked and sold to, and starved for authentic connection. The glossy magazine cover approach is not capturing attention anymore; it is creating aversion.
To connect through the noise, we have to show up raw, real, and human, not just post content pillars according to a calendar. We need to bring our personal story, not just add a brand template to generic wisdom.
There is the part of me that doesn’t want to annoy people by being in their face too much. But then, I remind myself, I am volunteering my time on social media. Whatever I share is a gift. And those receiving my posts are in choice. If they are unsatisfied, they can unsubscribe or scroll away. I don’t owe them anything. And in my online space, I set the boundaries.
Why triggers are treasures
When we expose ourselves to share online, we sign an invisible contract. We are providing an image for others to use as a Jumbotron screen for their projections.
But if others don’t get what you are putting out; if they judge you or feel triggered; if they argue or start insulting you, it doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means that you are alive and sacrificing self-image so that you can deliver your message.
The part of us that is wired to care for our public image as something critical to maintain for personal survival, really does not like this. Not at all.
Whether or not a message lands with the person who is receiving has little to do with reason; it has more to do with resonance. And if you are a changemaker, your true audience (the one that your soul wants to have) is not going to be the people who already resonate with your message. Your true audience is those who are going to be triggered – or at least somewhat challenged – by what you are sharing.
Triggers are not a bad thing. They are a unique aspect of human-to-human interaction, which helps to evolve our consciousness. Triggers provide the friction necessary for growth. They pull away our blanket of comfort; they get us to wake up.
Of course, because we are human, we need to have a mix of both types of people in our social media universe. We need friends, fans, and fellow leaders who are cheering us on. Those folks give us the energetic reinforcement that we need to do the job that we are here to do. They can also help amplify the message that we are here to deliver.
But if we cannot stand friction, resistance or outright opposition at all, we are limited in our usefulness. I am not suggesting that we tolerate abuse from trolls or leave ourselves open to bots designed to drain us with circular arguments. But if we close the doors to everyone who disagrees with us, then we make ourselves impotent.
We must detach from our avatar, as the digital extension of a persona that works for us, but it is not who we are. With this space of awareness between our core essence and public image, we stand calm and centered no matter what insults, rejection, or twisted meaning might be hurled by those not ready to hear our message. We know that it is not our true self under attack – only a hallucination of the angry one.
We have to learn to interpret the resistance that we meet as a sign of success. Because when others have a strong emotional reaction to something we share, it means that something in them has been touched. It is a moment of micro-awakening.
Being a work in progress, in public
If we are leaning into true presence and not just performance, we tap into a different quality to our content. Less perfect. More rough cut. Less scripted. More in the moment. We reorient around experimentation and expression. But how terrifying is it, to be seen as a work in progress, in public!
We cannot post and wait for those watching to offer their stamp of validation. Not everyone is going to understand or like or approve of what we put out into the metaverse. No one can fully see your experience or embody your perspective. And, we are all constantly under construction. But online, you have a broader set of potential witnesses for your imperfection as a process.
Some online dwellers are entertained by being a spectator to our mistakes; or affirmed in superiority as they watch us stutter and stumble. It’s human nature to look outside for a reference, to find a sense of location and direction in an otherwise chaotic existence.
We need to not mind them. There is no objectively safe space on social media. To bump around and enjoy the randomness of Internet connections, we have to source our own safety within, and carry it with us. A safety rooted in self-approval. We have to take it into every comment thread and every chat group that we enter.
For me, this portable sense of safety comes from shamelessness. It is an embrace of my wrongness, my awkwardness, my ignorance, my incompleteness, my brashness, my exuberance, my arrogance – it means deeply accepting all of it.
Shame dies from exposure. So the antidote to shame is showing up unconditionally. When we cross the chasm of discomfort to be post consistently, we start to reprogram our brains. We meet fears and judgments, both those of our own and those of others. We accept that being misunderstood is part of the process.
Service and the sacrifice of ego
Ego is not always the loud one standing at the front of the room and shouting “Hey, look at me!” Actually, ego is often the quiet one hiding in the back of the room and whispering, “I am so scared to fully show up being myself; it’s much easier to stay in my comfort zone and call that humility.”
It is not easy to be visible, because it makes you vulnerable. The drive to be available to support others, is the same drive that pushes me to risk online exposure. The desire to be in service also drives healing for me, as I confront my insecurity-driven perfectionism.
We tend to want to hide imperfections – but they are what make us unique and therefore human. In the age of AI-made content, our lived experience, earned insight, and storytelling become more compelling.
A system that profits from our insecurities has trained us to treat flaws as fatal errors. But when we polish our expression too much, it becomes too shiny and smooth to grasp. Our unique spark gets lost in the factory.
This is why I say: If you are here to lead humanity in new ways of being, you have to leave your ego on the altar of collective transformation.
As terrifying as it is, I am starting to share more video content on Instagram – short takes aimed at how we consciously co-create our reality. You are welcome to join and witness me as a work in progress.
My coaching calendar is also now open for booking 1:1 sessions.
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